I hate…

Not being able to make friends at parties.  Especially when people are open and willing.  It’s all because I barricade myself.  And for what reason? I don’t know…

I feel awkward when I talk, like everything I say is abrupt and boring.  It’s as if I’m interrupting people with insignificant sentences.  And it’s true: I am boring, and my words are insignificant. I don’t even believe that the words trilling from my lips are worthwhile enough for people to respond to, yet I say them anyway.  

I also hate how I have to be drunk or tipsy to be as outgoing as I want to be.  Either that, or I have to be surrounded by someone that gives me confidence.  Confidence should consolidate within myself, and myself only.  It should never feebly secure itself within another, because that would be artificial and not true inner confidence.  

These collective qualities, conversing and confidence, are things I have to vastly improve.  The sooner the better because I’m tired of making myself a social outcast.